I should really grow up now...:(

Define growing up?.."to grow toward or arrive at full stature or physical or mental maturity"

May be..but what i think growing up is, when you come to your twenties...means more about the mental,social and intellectual growing since you stopped growing physically by 24 yrs max for girls and 26 max for guys...
Sad story is i actually still hope that one day i will wake up THINNER and at least 3 inches TALLER...

The horror for me is never loosing the baby Fat i have gained in the 3 years i have been in Georgia...Thanks to the endless supply of late night junk food consumed during the endless cramming sessions that take place almost weekly...exams why do you kill me sooo...

More about the intellectual social part...

Does finally accepting and adding my Age on to my FB profile make me more mature???

Does finally telling people i just met my real Age finally make me all grown up???

Or accepting the fact that the guy im in Love with will never be my life partner due to Age barriers...

Or telling my mum that i would never be happy with a proposed marriage to anyone other than the Guy im dating/in love with...

Finally pulling my strength up and calling it quits with the guy because we see no future after Dating for almost 4 years...

Accepting and facing my mortal fear of being a Doctor one day..with many peoples lives in my hand...

Or even accepting and facing my Fear of snakes...

Will facing and taking any type of action concerning these, any one of these make me more grown up than i was when i started typing this post???

I think soo...

Growing up is all about Making Choices and facing your Demons...

So what am i gonna do after i finish writing this??? I'm gonna start with the easiest..no more lies...I'm gonna tell people my real age...
and embrace the fact that i actually don't look my age...

Heres to the Choices we make and for all the Demons we face everyday...

May we all have the Courage as the Griffindors and the Intellect of the Revenclaws to grow up a little everyday...

And to finally take Charge of our lives and do something good with it...
Because life sure is precious...

God Bless you all..
Huggies...

The Long hours and Tall piles of Books

My title says it all...

I'm still alive...

no chronic accidents...or any harm what so ever...

didn't hurt myself or any person around me....

All i have been doing is being faithful to my dearest ever loving books....

it has come to the point in my life where i have my doubts that i would seriously might have had a stronger relationship with a book in one semester than any other person....

you are totally mistaking me if you think that I'm a total geek...which i hope i was...at times...weird i know...

well there is also the whole situation where i realised that most of my friends are in serious relationships ...like they have actually found THE person of their dream house...and SOME are getting or already Engaged to get married...Some already Married...AND SOME with kids....

to think i have only around 450 Egg's my body that can mature and fertilize and that means i Will probably be infertile when i hit 49 MAX...CRAP...

OK...i know I'm going paranoid...but sometimes it concerns me...coz I'm totally not the PROPOSAL TYPE...:(((

I'm the dreamy scholar who wants to be swept away from my feet by an Intelligent Man like Mr.Darcy...or Gilbert Blythe...even Captain Sparrow would doo...hehehe

A girl can dream...

But anything about commitment fro me will have to wait another 4 years at least...and then i would be kinda little bit old...!!!!!

Then there is the Kid...BUT i don't know...it's a living in the present thing...as you might have realise from my earlier post....

this post is to my very faithful Pal's who have been eager to hear from me from this end of the world...

The Long Hours the Big Books...the horrific final State exams are killing mee...

BUT...

I'M COMING HOME....

IN JULY...

HOME SWEET HOME...

WOULD LOVE TO MEET UP WITH YOU ALL...

take care and pls kit ....

Huggies...

God bless ya all...

This is where i stand NOW..

SOOOO....

I'm back to normal...not that i was ever normal...more like back to being mee....:)))yeyyiii

lets say i'm back to being the extra-ordinarily normal meeee...:D

sooo studies are coming back to me...and i'm having fun..wasting less time...and i take time to play and also talk to people more often...sooo yeah...i'm getting back on-track...not really there....but i know i'm getting there....

1 more week for my friends to come back...and i survived two LONGGGG..months without them around..i guess this wasteful vacation did make me realize how much i love working and studying and the whole exhausted feeling of being buried in studies...i like it in a totally normal way...:P

sooo far..life is going easy...except....some stuff...:))

well lets see...this is what it is...Where i stand...

1st year Med student...doing well sooo far...looking all good...:)))

Torn away from my awesome friends who loved me to death and who practically was around me to help me out of all the crazy things i get into...the type of friends who finishes your sentences for you..and who were just a text away...

And sometimes it's hard to keep in touch with them...i dont blame them...but life sure is crazy....

It sometimes blindly throws you out..and you have to sort of start all over again..

It's kind of fun you know...building up your own identity...and all...

Then life i guess is also trying to make me realize that i have to step out of my comfort zone...the friends who knew me...well enough to help me out even without asking....because i feel really uncomfortable asking people for help...but i'm always ready to help anyone else...

Sooo life is playing this cruel trick on me...asking me to open up and make close friends like i used to have...and to live life with them...sooo i'm going to do that...hopefully...

Because i guess it's time to change a little bit..change is a good thing sometimes...:)))

And then i have to realize certain things about this KIDS issue...

I have to confide in a girlfriend...because sometimes boys dont think like girls...and girls think a lot right...soo I've decided to open up to someone...who can probably help me out with the different stuff i stumble upon...

who said life and Love is easy right...

And i kind of hinted to my mum....about the KID...and so did he to his parents...:S

My Mum...likes the KID a lot...BUT ...the age...she was concerned,,,she said that since i'm the elder one it's going to be really difficult for me later in life...to think about it a lot...her exact words were..."Putha think about it ...i dont want you to get hurt...people will cause problems for you..laugh at you...and since it's a TWO year gap i dont think his parents will like it..."

:((((

well...now i dont know...

she also said..."Putha he is a nice boy..i like him a lot...i wish he was your age or elder..i really do...but think about it...before you do something.."

Usually when a mum says think about it..it means they are scared for you..and that they want to protect you...so they dont like it...:((she said she was sad that the KID is so much younger to me...

The KIDS's Parents...."She is a lovely girl...only if she was younger.."

Big sigh...so i still didn't tell the kid how hurt i am of this...since he is all psyched up about coming back to see mee.after not being around for 2 months...

This is where i stand???

what do i doo???

What do i say????

All i know is...i like my life right now...and i have realized the meaning of ..

"Dont let yourself go...everybody cries...and everybody hurts..."

So...i'm blank right now..i mean...i'm just gonna live life...and really live it...enjoy it...no matter what...time lost cannot be taken back...

And People are the most important...you can relive the memories that you treasure the most...sooo i'm going to make more memories...loads of them...

KID and ME..i really dont know...may be i will talk to him...and see..what we can do...:(((

it's just one side of life...

what do you think???

Big hugs to all...i guess we all hit the rough bottom sometimes...this is to all those times...

God Bless...

This is not me... :S

I have been rudely ignoring you all...because i have been out and busy...not the type of busy-ness where you are working sooo hard on some humanitarian project...or... definitely NOT studying....

Well i have been up and about....i have been out a lot...on movie nights, sleep overs, badminton tournaments...and even tried my hand at basketball...hehehe...yeah..i have been all school girly the past few weeks trying to spend the final weeks of my summer vacation..or rather the only vacation i might get for the next 5 years of my life....more simply and with the little things...

I realized that sometimes to have the best times of my life i do not need money or fancy long trips that needs extensive planning...All i need is a healthy dose of humor...a nicee bunch of friends who are willing to have a good time and activities...which may vary from cooking naan for dinner to playing basketball..or watching horror movies back to back till dawn...:)))

Yes i absolutely agree with the person who said that the best things in life are free.....:)))

And there is more..This is definitely not me...i'm a PERFECTIONIST...yes in Capitals...I even have my life plans blocked out as 5 year plans so that i know clearly where i want to be exactly in a given period of time...

And i do not waste time...like this..The normal me would be preparing for my next semester now..and reading all the study material ....or more like that is, what i know i should be doing...

And right now...it's late and i'm not falling asleep...which is also weird...:)

And i'm thinking...i guess women do think a lot...but i think A LOT...and more deeply...

I'm thinking...i started my dream career by entering uni...but can i afford to complete it???...mum says she will somehow....

can i afford to pay myself on studying PG later...

Where will i be...will i be able to write PLAB,USMLE...can i afford it???

What about all the plans i made about taking care of my mum one day...when will i ever get there..

And i think time is running too fast...i mean i'm OLD...:(..i just started uni and my friends are graduating next year....soooo yes they did Londons....but yet....

And This is not me because i do not think like this...I think positive....

I am this strong willed..iron strong...confident person...

I was never weak or vulnerable like this....

WHATS HAPPENING..

And alsoo...i'm fallen for the KID...like A LOT...and it's confusing..because i have never let anyone in to my life like this...I am a very closed up person...

and i kinda mess up a lot of things between the KID and me...because of my stupid mouth and my ignorance...

I was Miss-know-it-all....Goody-two-shoes...i was not supposed to be dating a guy two years younger to me...and wasting my time...

I should have my priorities set right...

Ok sooo may be i'm like totally fallen for him and nothing matters when it comes to him...i only wish he was around...and not like a many thousands of miles away...he would know to make me feel better....

Right now...i do not know..why i'm not falling asleep....

Is it because....i need to know that the KID still loves me...for the Stupid person i'm turning out to be...(I am this Perfect person....)

Is it because i am seriously concerned about my future and the word Money that is determinedly trying to dash my dreams and expectations...

Is it because i'm completely going insane...

But all in all...after writing this i feel a bit better...

I have been through Hell to get here...so yeah I'm not gonna break down now...

i will be fine..i will be back to the normal me...

The crazy-love-hungry-perfectionist....this is just a phase...

I will have a nicee chat with my mum and the KID..

AND i will know that people love me like i love them...and that the world is indeed not such a bad place after all....

Love me people...:)))coz i sure do love you all..

Gone totally insane...but still smiling..

God Bless..

And so i dream...:)

We all have dreams. We all have our fantasies. In a world full of harsh truths and harsh realities it is my escape in to this dream world that keeps me going and makes my hopes and ambitions seem achievable and accomplish-able.

This is a dream which a friend of mine and i dreamed with nothing but innocent intentions, and to us it turned out to be magical.

We dream of achieving ambitions. I a Neuro-surgeon. He a Pediatric-Surgeon. Both to be successful. Both to be the best in the field and both to be respectable and world renowned. And innocently as it may seem we dream of one day being super rich..:)

I want to wear only designer clothes. Go shopping to Paris. Buy myself a Merc. or a BMW SUV. Travel the world, travel business class and dine at the greatest restaurants in the world.

He wants to tailor exclusively. Buy all the techno gadgets. Buy himself a Merc..(professional looking one). Wants to spend money and live luxuriously.

I want to get married one-day...I think...i'm still deciding..:P

He clearly wants to get married at the age between 27yrs to 30yrs. Though he is sure it will have to be his parents choice because he has no belief in falling in Love with a girl like that to get married..:D..weird right???

And we dream together. And at sometimes our dreams collide and we feel comfortable just to let it stay collided and build it along.

We dream of a dream house with Dogs. Hopefully Labs or Golden Retrievers.

We dream of lovely, cute kids. He wants a baby girl like me. I want a baby Boy as adorable, lovable yet naughty like him.

We dream of waking up together in the morning. He first. Morning hug...a kiss..and he volunteers to make the tea and milk while i snuggle up and sleep more...;)

He comes..wakes me up. We drink tea and fall back on the bed to talk.Just talk. To just Hug and watch how nature just miraculously gives light to the world. How each ray of sun reflects on the trees, the flowers, dew drops. How the rays touches his face. How the light shines on my skin. A moment that is truly ours to drink in and enjoy before the rush of a hectic life engulfs us.

The kids run in and jumps on our bed. Demands his attention and mine and so we pour them all our love, drowning them with thousands of hugs and kisses. Teasing them, tickling them and listening to the ringing of their joyful laughter in our ears and with secret looks at each other being thankful to God and each other for making our lives this perfect.

We spoke that we are not going to be perfect. I told him that i'm going to be all cranky in the morning with messy hair and swollen puffy ugly eyes. He who has seen me all sleepy before said that i look cute and adorable. And he said that if he gets mad that it's going to be hard for me. I agreed that i will hug him tight until he calms down, and we were happy.

We figured that in every way we will be okay with each other. I mean just perfect for each other. Well that's all that matters right????

I told him that since i'm short and a bit chubby that i wont look that great, but he calls me pretty.

He is tall and bigger compared to the tiny me and i find it awesome.

He wants to show me off to his friends. Being the most perfect husband so that my friends will be jealous of me. Yet he dreams of being faithful to only me and i smile at the memory and enjoy it.

I dream of all the moods that i might get into. All the fights that we might have.

But i know that we will be totally alright. I know that we will bug each other. I will get bugged and he will act like he gets bugged. I know that we will learn together. we will learn from each other. Me from his extensive Brain Power. He from my Work- Attitude. I know that we will have animated conversations and that we will never run out of things to talk. ...from friends to hobbies..going on to subjects of intense study.

We know that we can always be ourselves with each other. Share a drink. Share a toast for our fulfilled life. And we would always see each other for who we are.

He dreams of buying me stuff. Anything and everything and i know that he will take care of me and that i can trust him.

I dream of being all that he wants me to be. But then again i don't have to change a thing. i am who he dreams of me to be.

Lastly he tells me that he will treat me like a princess. If i was his and i know he will. And i want to be treated like that someday.

With him i know that i will be his equal..intellectually, academically and spiritually. Isn't that what every girl dreams of???

He tells me that he loves me to death and i tell him the same and we both know that it's the honest truth.

And so we wonder together what God was thinking by bringing me 2 years before him and him 2 years after me.

I guess he has better plans for us. But yet we wonder why????

Wouldn't it be perfect???

And so i dream...:)

God Bless...

Smile Always...:D

ooooppppppssssssss

I SUCK BIG TIME…

LOL…NOW WHAT TO DO…

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO…

SHIIITTTTTTTTTTT…

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO…

NOW I WANNA SWEAR…LIKE REALLY BADLY…

Just wanted to say/type this...

Ok…so here I am...in the middle of a very busy week and month…I have Mid –terms…yikessss...just to let you know that realized that I’m fortunate and I’m happy being me..

I am determined not to be unhappy or let the sulky mood engulf me and destroy my little happy life….

I am fortunate for having an awesome family and the most caring bunch of cousins...

The craziest and sweetest friends…

And random people who walk in to my life suddenly and love me to death sometimes for no apparent reason…

All these made me realize that I’m a-one-of-a-kind girl...lucky…sooo lucky…to have such wonderful people around me...

Who have the ability to lift me up each time I fall…who are always there to offer their shoulder for me to cry on…who are so concerned about my happiness…who are also willing to watch me stumble fall and then watch patiently while I struggle myself up the crazy hill…and then pat my back and say…see I told you your one strong girl…

I love attention as any girl but the attention that I crave the most is from the people I admire the most and I’m getting enough..But I would love more…:P

I realized that I can love...i can just love and love…and I think it’s great...

I realized that I can give...and give and give...

And that I have heaps of patience...soo much that some of my friends call me crazy…

And I also realized that some people actually find me interesting and sort of important... ;)

All this with the fact that I’m trying my best to be a good girl, loving daughter, and a super friend make me feel that I’m doing pretty fine in life for now…J

Sooo good byeee..Tears…Good Byeee Unhappiness..you were patient teachers who made me learn important lessons in life..may be the hard way..but still you kept me company…helping me grow into a better,stronger,happier and a lovely person…

Big hug to my self…and to all..

Life is life itself..sooo

Smile… :)

God Bless…

Embracing Loneliness....

So here we have started serious classes again...

Back to books and to top it all off we have mid-terms..:(

Therefore i have sunk into my books with horrific determination and spend long nights nodding away on tons of coffee..:)

These are the times when you actually feel aware of your surroundings and you get to re-collect your thoughts very clearly...

It has been great for me...since i came here...i'm doing well..

I'm crazyyyyy...addicted to fun...but i also keep track of my studies...and is now topping the class...:D

But for the past few days...some things began to dawn on me..things that were before my very eyes which i conveniently ignored...because...

Firstly because of the rush of events happening around me..

Secondly because it was less hurtful to imagine that you misheard things...

Well jealousy is a curse.Since i'm THE crazy person and the less studious(in appearance) my girls have been totally cool with me..but since I've started topping the class now they have grown indifferent towards me and hardly hang-out with me.

These things really..hurt..but i guess it's just life-phases.

My roommate uttered to me the other day that she doesn't want to go anywhere with me alone without the other two because i apparently know too many people and will abandon her.

I'm not an Angry, Rude and mean person like that to do some thing horrible as that...

So lately it's been just me and the books like old times...:)

somethings just turn back to the old routines..

Now instead of happy study sessions - i find myself alone self studying...

Instead of waking up in the mornings together-i find myself still forgotten and when i inquire about it...i get excuses as i apparently slept late and all...

I also find myself walking alone to various activities in uni - instead of the happy quartet...

Not that it stops me from doing what i want to do...:)

The thought just lingers in there you know...and surfaces in moments like now..when all my roomies drop out of going on a tour because one other set of girls are not coming and don't even tell me...

I guess since i mixed around with the Colombo crowd a bit more than the other girls (the Colombo crowed are a bunch of happy malli's) they feel alienated...It's hard to be different..and i know that...i feel the same...but i'm trying...

Also i think i'm going to break the heart of some special person..i just cant pretend...i have lost the spark after what happened...and he deserves to know that....:'(

But it's ok...i'm going to be alright..

I just want to be alone for a while...or may be not..company can be the best medicine right now..

I'm just going to embrace loneliness with Joy, Pride and Dignity as a changing phase of life...:)

To happier times to come!!!

God Bless...