Back to books and to top it all off we have mid-terms..:(
Therefore i have sunk into my books with horrific determination and spend long nights nodding away on tons of coffee..:)
These are the times when you actually feel aware of your surroundings and you get to re-collect your thoughts very clearly...
It has been great for me...since i came here...i'm doing well..
I'm crazyyyyy...addicted to fun...but i also keep track of my studies...and is now topping the class...:D
But for the past few days...some things began to dawn on me..things that were before my very eyes which i conveniently ignored...because...
Firstly because of the rush of events happening around me..
Secondly because it was less hurtful to imagine that you misheard things...
Well jealousy is a curse.Since i'm THE crazy person and the less studious(in appearance) my girls have been totally cool with me..but since I've started topping the class now they have grown indifferent towards me and hardly hang-out with me.
These things really..hurt..but i guess it's just life-phases.
My roommate uttered to me the other day that she doesn't want to go anywhere with me alone without the other two because i apparently know too many people and will abandon her.
I'm not an Angry, Rude and mean person like that to do some thing horrible as that...
So lately it's been just me and the books like old times...:)
somethings just turn back to the old routines..
Now instead of happy study sessions - i find myself alone self studying...
Instead of waking up in the mornings together-i find myself still forgotten and when i inquire about it...i get excuses as i apparently slept late and all...
I also find myself walking alone to various activities in uni - instead of the happy quartet...
Not that it stops me from doing what i want to do...:)
The thought just lingers in there you know...and surfaces in moments like now..when all my roomies drop out of going on a tour because one other set of girls are not coming and don't even tell me...
I guess since i mixed around with the Colombo crowd a bit more than the other girls (the Colombo crowed are a bunch of happy malli's) they feel alienated...It's hard to be different..and i know that...i feel the same...but i'm trying...
Also i think i'm going to break the heart of some special person..i just cant pretend...i have lost the spark after what happened...and he deserves to know that....:'(
But it's ok...i'm going to be alright..
I just want to be alone for a while...or may be not..company can be the best medicine right now..
I'm just going to embrace loneliness with Joy, Pride and Dignity as a changing phase of life...:)
To happier times to come!!!
God Bless...
