Lost Child...

We all know how people keep writing songs and poems about the lost children...
And we are all amazed by how much creativity a soul can conjure up...

Well I'm officially a lost child..may be girl..
I am lost when it comes to relationships..it seems that I have been left behind..
I am lost when it comes to finding myself..I'm yet to realize my full potential..I think that is a great thing...
I am lost when it comes to my future..I expect so much for me..and have so many dreams..that I'm afraid that I will never get there..
I am lost when it comes to age..I'm 24 and still growing up...
I am lost when it comes to people..I'm surrounded by so many yet..I can honestly say that none of them are my REAL people..
I am lost when it comes to the concept of SOMEONE
and so I am one of the forgotten lost people..

When I read what I just typed above..I realized that it is all not bad...I'm still growing..I'm still dreaming and I m smart enough to know the true colors of people..and most importantly I have not yet lost hope...

I think. Are all lost children in some aspect...waiting for our moment to shine...waiting for our moment of freedom...

Embrace the loneliness...
Some of the greatest people in the world started off like you and me...by being complete loners..

Here's to us..the lonely lost children...may we at least find each other...

God Bless you all
Hugs and kisses.

I should really grow up now...:(

Define growing up?.."to grow toward or arrive at full stature or physical or mental maturity"

May be..but what i think growing up is, when you come to your twenties...means more about the mental,social and intellectual growing since you stopped growing physically by 24 yrs max for girls and 26 max for guys...
Sad story is i actually still hope that one day i will wake up THINNER and at least 3 inches TALLER...

The horror for me is never loosing the baby Fat i have gained in the 3 years i have been in Georgia...Thanks to the endless supply of late night junk food consumed during the endless cramming sessions that take place almost weekly...exams why do you kill me sooo...

More about the intellectual social part...

Does finally accepting and adding my Age on to my FB profile make me more mature???

Does finally telling people i just met my real Age finally make me all grown up???

Or accepting the fact that the guy im in Love with will never be my life partner due to Age barriers...

Or telling my mum that i would never be happy with a proposed marriage to anyone other than the Guy im dating/in love with...

Finally pulling my strength up and calling it quits with the guy because we see no future after Dating for almost 4 years...

Accepting and facing my mortal fear of being a Doctor one day..with many peoples lives in my hand...

Or even accepting and facing my Fear of snakes...

Will facing and taking any type of action concerning these, any one of these make me more grown up than i was when i started typing this post???

I think soo...

Growing up is all about Making Choices and facing your Demons...

So what am i gonna do after i finish writing this??? I'm gonna start with the easiest..no more lies...I'm gonna tell people my real age...
and embrace the fact that i actually don't look my age...

Heres to the Choices we make and for all the Demons we face everyday...

May we all have the Courage as the Griffindors and the Intellect of the Revenclaws to grow up a little everyday...

And to finally take Charge of our lives and do something good with it...
Because life sure is precious...

God Bless you all..
Huggies...

proposals....:((((

your mum telling you in the middle of exams that you need to seriously respond to the many proposals that she has found...is not a good thing....
now i cant concentrate...
life with a person unknown to my 24 years of lifee....for ever...
i cant live with a person i have NEVER known in my lifeee...
God knows who he is and what he is uptoo..
being a med student really widens your awareness to how weird, crooked in the head and sick people can beee...

Not a good timee...
sighhhhhhhhh

I should write more often

this is my post-of-shame...is such a thing exists...
I have ignored this blog...my getaway point for more than an year...

and what has it made mee...more miserable i might say and a complete sucker for companionship...

so i decided that since im anyway gonna be cuddled in a corner watching castle, white collar, greys anatomy, revenge and many more impossibly unrealistic tv series and counting my depressions away i might aswel do something that would actually take me out of the BIG BLUE spell im under...

well my life these days go on..as getting up going for classes..coming back...sleeping...unsuccessfully hitting the gym coz i have PUT ON 10 KGS since i came here...sighhh..and studying and sleeping...

i miss home..i miss the sunshine..the bright blue skies and THE REALFRIENDS..the ones who would come over take you out and make your life a BAG of fun...:)))

i miss going to places like Galle face..or even Galle since the highway opened...i miss the FREE FUN..we seem to have at home and which we seem to have taken so much for granted...

Its been months since i went out...chilled...the main reason..is i dont have the people to go with and the second is everything IS SOOO RIDICULOUSLY EXPENSIVE here..

either im too aloof...a born loner..or my type of kindred spirits are scarce....
im still thinking about it...

Im the shy type who doesnt make friends that easily you know..

ohhh life sure is a sucker punch at times...

Hugs and kisses to all...
God Bless.

This is where i stand NOW..

SOOOO....

I'm back to normal...not that i was ever normal...more like back to being mee....:)))yeyyiii

lets say i'm back to being the extra-ordinarily normal meeee...:D

sooo studies are coming back to me...and i'm having fun..wasting less time...and i take time to play and also talk to people more often...sooo yeah...i'm getting back on-track...not really there....but i know i'm getting there....

1 more week for my friends to come back...and i survived two LONGGGG..months without them around..i guess this wasteful vacation did make me realize how much i love working and studying and the whole exhausted feeling of being buried in studies...i like it in a totally normal way...:P

sooo far..life is going easy...except....some stuff...:))

well lets see...this is what it is...Where i stand...

1st year Med student...doing well sooo far...looking all good...:)))

Torn away from my awesome friends who loved me to death and who practically was around me to help me out of all the crazy things i get into...the type of friends who finishes your sentences for you..and who were just a text away...

And sometimes it's hard to keep in touch with them...i dont blame them...but life sure is crazy....

It sometimes blindly throws you out..and you have to sort of start all over again..

It's kind of fun you know...building up your own identity...and all...

Then life i guess is also trying to make me realize that i have to step out of my comfort zone...the friends who knew me...well enough to help me out even without asking....because i feel really uncomfortable asking people for help...but i'm always ready to help anyone else...

Sooo life is playing this cruel trick on me...asking me to open up and make close friends like i used to have...and to live life with them...sooo i'm going to do that...hopefully...

Because i guess it's time to change a little bit..change is a good thing sometimes...:)))

And then i have to realize certain things about this KIDS issue...

I have to confide in a girlfriend...because sometimes boys dont think like girls...and girls think a lot right...soo I've decided to open up to someone...who can probably help me out with the different stuff i stumble upon...

who said life and Love is easy right...

And i kind of hinted to my mum....about the KID...and so did he to his parents...:S

My Mum...likes the KID a lot...BUT ...the age...she was concerned,,,she said that since i'm the elder one it's going to be really difficult for me later in life...to think about it a lot...her exact words were..."Putha think about it ...i dont want you to get hurt...people will cause problems for you..laugh at you...and since it's a TWO year gap i dont think his parents will like it..."

:((((

well...now i dont know...

she also said..."Putha he is a nice boy..i like him a lot...i wish he was your age or elder..i really do...but think about it...before you do something.."

Usually when a mum says think about it..it means they are scared for you..and that they want to protect you...so they dont like it...:((she said she was sad that the KID is so much younger to me...

The KIDS's Parents...."She is a lovely girl...only if she was younger.."

Big sigh...so i still didn't tell the kid how hurt i am of this...since he is all psyched up about coming back to see mee.after not being around for 2 months...

This is where i stand???

what do i doo???

What do i say????

All i know is...i like my life right now...and i have realized the meaning of ..

"Dont let yourself go...everybody cries...and everybody hurts..."

So...i'm blank right now..i mean...i'm just gonna live life...and really live it...enjoy it...no matter what...time lost cannot be taken back...

And People are the most important...you can relive the memories that you treasure the most...sooo i'm going to make more memories...loads of them...

KID and ME..i really dont know...may be i will talk to him...and see..what we can do...:(((

it's just one side of life...

what do you think???

Big hugs to all...i guess we all hit the rough bottom sometimes...this is to all those times...

God Bless...

I want to be a Billionaire...:D

ok...soooo

Lets say that some people have various ways of letting off their steam..some just meditate..(boring..for me...cant sit in one place...never could..:P..)some take up Yoga..(Still cannot...not the flexible kind..)..Some do intense training..(Like Boxing..love my knuckles too much)..some watch Movies..(I doo sometimes)..Some eat chocolate and ice cream..(Love doing this..main consequence...next whole week you have to watch out your food...because you put-on and it's no fun,,) AND some Go Shopping...(My favorite as well as a favorite of a real close friend of mine...*you know who you are...wink..wink..)

Well and as you know..since i have time to kill...and the determination to see the country as much as possible during the holidays...we went off to a shopping district...LILO..

Main purpose...Buy my friends winter jackets..

Four girls along with one guy...poor fellow..he was just too bored to stay at home so opted to come with us..i guess he just didn't know what he bargained for..

The boy was given the responsibility in finding the Metro and bus route...as apparently this place is like an hours travelling out of the city...and we heard that the place is BIG and that you can get anything there...for quite a cheap price...

Yes the magic word..Cheap...:))))

and why did i goo???because i needed to take my steam off....a pair of simple Polaroid shades..:))..innocent right???

The big question..why buy winter jackets in the middle of the blood boiling skin burning heat...because...during the season the clothes are way too expensive....way to expensive to fit in to the limited budget of a parent funded med student...:(((

So we compromise to give our parents a break and try to make do...you know what i mean right..

So we meet up at 9am at the metro station..my roomie and i had rice for breakfast because we knew that we might need all the energy in the world...:))

The boy was on time...but he was too lazy to cook and was starving..

The other two..same story..

We ask the boy directions..

He said, we need to take the metro to Wagsal station..get down... change the metro and get into the other one and head to Isani..and then take a MachuteCar..(Mini-bus...kind of like Vans...you get in Georgia for reasonably short distance travelling out of main cities)..But as usual..he didn't know the number...or to which direction we should go..left or right...hehehe...typical...why did we ask a boy to get directions...and since every board and bus direction plate were written ONLY in Georgian..OMG...it felt awesome...hehehe..

Anyway..we set off...went to Isani safely...got out..everyone...was wishing so badly for a Saiwar kade...or a kottu joint...and my tummy was practically Screaming for hoppers or string hoppers with kiri hodi and sambol...ooohhh..how we take Sri Lankan food for granted...

But instead had to go to a cafe..and eat yucky Shawarma..i mean it's not bad...but that's all this country has got for you know on the go food..and we have eaten our share of it..and is kind of really sick of it...

and we headed off...asking everyone on the way in sign language...the number to go to LILO...thats the name of the trade city..and finally got in to number 236..:)))

And these tiny things go super fast...i'm sure we were doing around 90 to 100 Kph...AND it was coool...we went along the way spent 80 Tetri...(Currency here...Amounts to just..0.43 USD..) and arrived safe..and whole..lol..

It was like a place around 5 times of Pettah..the amount we saw...and when you enter the by lanes...you figure it's this HUGE MAZE of absolute bliss for a shopoholic like me...or for any girl..

The Clothes...

The Shoes...

The Tincklets...

The Boots...

The everything..

So we shopped..more like window shopped...stopping here...stopping there...touching something...going to buy something..then being fiercely pulled away from something..pointing and walking...

The Clothes..beautiful...i need to come up with a better word..tiny pink shorts to gorgeous sun dresses to amazing tube evening gowns to chic skinny jeans...there were countless times when my friends had to come back looking for me...because i was day dreaming in front of some dress..in a shop..:))))hehehe..

The shoes...cuee bubblegum colored canvasses...lovely sleek heels..and then it caught my eyes..SEXY BOOTS...ohh yes...i said it...they were awesome..and i made up my mind..I'm going to let my steam off buying SEXY BOOTS and Shades..

Since i anyway needed a pair for winter..i thought you know...may be it's for future use..and tempted the other ladies into eying the boots..and it worked...to the utter dismay of the tired worn out boy...who has been walking around with us for over three hours wondering why on earth we have not yet bought anything...lol

How can you decide when you are in this breath taking place full of material beauty and temptation that God and Buddha warned us about..hehehe...Boys never get it anyway..:P

Found Jackets...But they were way beyond our budget..they were like 300Lari to 600 Lari around (200 USD to 500 USD)..way out...

Sad heartedly we gave up..knowing that after 5 hours of walking through this maze ...that it was useless....but i was restless...i needed to let my steam off..and plus the girls had to buy the winter jackets...

Soo we headed off in another bumpy but high speed 1.20 Lari ride back to Wagsal...square..a place like Pettah..but not as varied and huge like LILO...

and here we found...

SEXY BOOTS..

and can you guess it..

Yes i bought..i bought Sexy boots...for 45 Lari...and sent a text to my mum after buying it..hehehe...Because i didn't want to spoil the moment...with my greatest newfound treasure...:)))

and i like the tempting devil made my friends buy boots too...and the spree for Jackets were thus forgotten..

All in all i need to mention that today was one of those rare days i really wanted to be rich..

I was thinking as i glimpsed each item i wanted to buy...what if i had money..not that i dont..but more than enough...just more...like i would have bought a truck load of stuff from LILO... because there were things to buy and to walk away from such a place buying nothing is like shopping suicide...but i guess it teaches us control...spoils us little less...and makes us appreciate life a little bit moreee...

But i almost cried when i walk out on those dresses and shoes....i badly wanted to be a billionaire as shallow as it may seem..we all come across these days...

And i know what exactly this guy was thinking when he thought this song out...

Billionaire...check it out...

God Bless...

Let your steam out...sometimes...it actually gets you thinking...with a cost..:(((

hehehehe

Enjoy..

Sweet Partings...!!!

ok...soo let me tell you this..

One semester down..NINE more to go...shooot...thats alot...

but i will get there....these five years might fly by just as this semester flew...right???

sooo no worries...

If you remember how i complained to all saying that the winter and spring was horrible...how we were freezing to death..

Well summer...is WORSE..

i think i know now how i'm going to die...i'm going to die melting...like literally..melting...

The temperature here is like between 40 to 45 degrees and it's warm...as soon as you open the windows the warmth hits on your face and literally burns your skin...

soo i spend most of my time applying moisturizing lotion.. taking a few baths per day..and applying tonics on my face...coz now my face has begun burning...it's bad..i'm scared that i might like get red blotchy patches all over it...My smile is the only talk-able feature i have for myself...*sniff...sniff..

The most funny thing was...the other day one of my friends here in Georgia has updated his facebook status saying..."Stupid heat..i sweat while i bath...and now i sweat while i eat.."...hehehe..thats how bad it is...

This is the time you miss paradise...where everything is evenly balanced...but i heard it's warm out there as well...but still not this bad i suppose...

Well right after exams...We had this awesome celebration...

Where all of us Sri Lankans got together at a nearby park...AND...we bought loads of coke..and chips...ate..and sang baila...and decided to play...

We played Hide and seek in the vast park...

Let me tell you the places i hid..

Beneath Cars...under trees..behind trees..on the grass...under bushes...etc..

Some boys even managed to climb trees...:PPP

The catcher had to touch the person...then the person who is caught becomes an additional catcher...therefore...when Rey and i were hiding under the car with Seu..she got spotted...sooo Rey and i ran out to the road..into an apartment building with around 6 boys trailing after us...and got onto a lift...hehehe...got out on the 6th floor to be caught by two very annoyed boys...hehehe...

sooo it was fun...at the end of the day..we all had bruises...i had a cut across my face...where i hit a tree...hehehe..i know..i didn't see the tree in front of me...ok..it was dark..and plus i lost my hair band...

the boys had torn shirts due to their tree climbings ...scraped knees and elbows...

girls had messy hair with grass... scratched palms...knees...and torn jeans...

But it was worth it...we played till 2 am..and decided to head home...

Because the next day...Since Uni vacation started...More than half of them were going home for the LONG TWO MONTH SUMMER HOLIDAYS...

As you can imagine..i was one of the unfortunate few who was going to be left behind..

I know the boys were looking forward to going home..to eat a proper Sri Lankan rice and curry meal...to meet up with friends....to not do house work...to totally get pampered and all.

The girls wanted a break....a hug from their dad and lovely food...lots of love and family trips...

My clan was going..all of them...my Boys...who always pampered me...took me around...all of them were going home...:(((

The two new girl pals i made..they were going home tooo...:(((

I could have gone home as well...but my mother told me not to come this year...because there are some people who wouldn't like to see me back at home...scary right...:(((..it's a whole new story...will tell you on another day...

The others i realized couldn't afford the Rs.136,000.00 airfare...:(((life is cruel and unfair...

sooo i will have to wait exacly 15 months to see my mother again...:(((

May be God has a plan...

Soo i spent one sleepless night...wondering how much can change during the next two months...

two of my roommates were leaving soo it was going to be only Me and another girl CP..at our apartment..

I mean...We got to know each other...and made these strong bonds of friendships during just 4 and a half months...after 2 months of being apart....will i be a stranger...

:(((

stupid right..but then again..i was seriously depressed that night...had a chocolate bar to relieve myself...:)))

In the next afternoon everyone who was to leave and who was saying good byeeee.. assembled at one apartment..we hired a bus to take them all together to the Airport...

All bags were loaded..teary eyed goodbyees were said...:((

most left..back to their own apartments...and I with my roommate..and 3 seniors who were leaving the next day and another boy from our batch stayed back..

The boys requested that we ride with them to the Airport...there was no room...sooo i stayed back..the four boys found places in the bus...

and my friend squished in...

.............................................................

i was thinking may be i should go home...but the Boys made sure i was in the bus..and i had to sit on the lap...hehehe..of the KID...

Saying goodbye was always hard for me...but that ride to the Airport knowing that i wont be seeing these jolly faces for another 60 days hurt a lot...but i'm not a crying person...soo i just enjoyed the good cheer that was inside the hearts of everyone there who knew that they were going to the best place on earth..BACK HOME..

Many times did my friends remind me that they will keep in touch..

not leave me alone...will keep me updated...

Promised me tons of chocolate...which really cheered me up..

and the hugs i got ..the flying kisses from across the bus...which flew to me...made me realize..that may be God is giving me too much love...but i'm definitely not complaining..:)))

The Kid with constant tugs at my hand...secret smiles..re-assured me in his own way that he is not going to change...but honestly i had my doubts then...:S

At the Air port...we all got down...checked in...sent the luggage and we got to hang around for like half an hour...

This time i honestly wanted to take the KID's ticket...and tear it into million pieces...or steal every one of my friends tickets and run away and hide...

Honestly i almost did it...and then got caught..

:((((

Well with warm Squshi huggs..Loving kisses..and long good byees...My boys and girls left ...

They were going home..

But then again..in exactly 60 days they will be back...

That's the silver lining in my dark cloud..:)))

Sooo let the countdown begin...

God Bless...

Smile Alwaysssss..:))

And so i dream...:)

We all have dreams. We all have our fantasies. In a world full of harsh truths and harsh realities it is my escape in to this dream world that keeps me going and makes my hopes and ambitions seem achievable and accomplish-able.

This is a dream which a friend of mine and i dreamed with nothing but innocent intentions, and to us it turned out to be magical.

We dream of achieving ambitions. I a Neuro-surgeon. He a Pediatric-Surgeon. Both to be successful. Both to be the best in the field and both to be respectable and world renowned. And innocently as it may seem we dream of one day being super rich..:)

I want to wear only designer clothes. Go shopping to Paris. Buy myself a Merc. or a BMW SUV. Travel the world, travel business class and dine at the greatest restaurants in the world.

He wants to tailor exclusively. Buy all the techno gadgets. Buy himself a Merc..(professional looking one). Wants to spend money and live luxuriously.

I want to get married one-day...I think...i'm still deciding..:P

He clearly wants to get married at the age between 27yrs to 30yrs. Though he is sure it will have to be his parents choice because he has no belief in falling in Love with a girl like that to get married..:D..weird right???

And we dream together. And at sometimes our dreams collide and we feel comfortable just to let it stay collided and build it along.

We dream of a dream house with Dogs. Hopefully Labs or Golden Retrievers.

We dream of lovely, cute kids. He wants a baby girl like me. I want a baby Boy as adorable, lovable yet naughty like him.

We dream of waking up together in the morning. He first. Morning hug...a kiss..and he volunteers to make the tea and milk while i snuggle up and sleep more...;)

He comes..wakes me up. We drink tea and fall back on the bed to talk.Just talk. To just Hug and watch how nature just miraculously gives light to the world. How each ray of sun reflects on the trees, the flowers, dew drops. How the rays touches his face. How the light shines on my skin. A moment that is truly ours to drink in and enjoy before the rush of a hectic life engulfs us.

The kids run in and jumps on our bed. Demands his attention and mine and so we pour them all our love, drowning them with thousands of hugs and kisses. Teasing them, tickling them and listening to the ringing of their joyful laughter in our ears and with secret looks at each other being thankful to God and each other for making our lives this perfect.

We spoke that we are not going to be perfect. I told him that i'm going to be all cranky in the morning with messy hair and swollen puffy ugly eyes. He who has seen me all sleepy before said that i look cute and adorable. And he said that if he gets mad that it's going to be hard for me. I agreed that i will hug him tight until he calms down, and we were happy.

We figured that in every way we will be okay with each other. I mean just perfect for each other. Well that's all that matters right????

I told him that since i'm short and a bit chubby that i wont look that great, but he calls me pretty.

He is tall and bigger compared to the tiny me and i find it awesome.

He wants to show me off to his friends. Being the most perfect husband so that my friends will be jealous of me. Yet he dreams of being faithful to only me and i smile at the memory and enjoy it.

I dream of all the moods that i might get into. All the fights that we might have.

But i know that we will be totally alright. I know that we will bug each other. I will get bugged and he will act like he gets bugged. I know that we will learn together. we will learn from each other. Me from his extensive Brain Power. He from my Work- Attitude. I know that we will have animated conversations and that we will never run out of things to talk. ...from friends to hobbies..going on to subjects of intense study.

We know that we can always be ourselves with each other. Share a drink. Share a toast for our fulfilled life. And we would always see each other for who we are.

He dreams of buying me stuff. Anything and everything and i know that he will take care of me and that i can trust him.

I dream of being all that he wants me to be. But then again i don't have to change a thing. i am who he dreams of me to be.

Lastly he tells me that he will treat me like a princess. If i was his and i know he will. And i want to be treated like that someday.

With him i know that i will be his equal..intellectually, academically and spiritually. Isn't that what every girl dreams of???

He tells me that he loves me to death and i tell him the same and we both know that it's the honest truth.

And so we wonder together what God was thinking by bringing me 2 years before him and him 2 years after me.

I guess he has better plans for us. But yet we wonder why????

Wouldn't it be perfect???

And so i dream...:)

God Bless...

Smile Always...:D