Saturday, April 10, 2010

Embracing Loneliness....

So here we have started serious classes again...
Back to books and to top it all off we have mid-terms..:(

Therefore i have sunk into my books with horrific determination and spend long nights nodding away on tons of coffee..:)
These are the times when you actually feel aware of your surroundings and you get to re-collect your thoughts very clearly...

It has been great for me...since i came here...i'm doing well..
I'm crazyyyyy...addicted to fun...but i also keep track of my studies...and is now topping the class...:D

But for the past few days...some things began to dawn on me..things that were before my very eyes which i conveniently ignored...because...
Firstly because of the rush of events happening around me..
Secondly because it was less hurtful to imagine that you misheard things...

Well jealousy is a curse.Since i'm THE crazy person and the less studious(in appearance) my girls have been totally cool with me..but since I've started topping the class now they have grown indifferent towards me and hardly hang-out with me.

These things really..hurt..but i guess it's just life-phases.

My roommate uttered to me the other day that she doesn't want to go anywhere with me alone without the other two because i apparently know too many people and will abandon her.
I'm not an Angry, Rude and mean person like that to do some thing horrible as that...

So lately it's been just me and the books like old times...:)
somethings just turn back to the old routines..

Now instead of happy study sessions - i find myself alone self studying...
Instead of waking up in the mornings together-i find myself still forgotten and when i inquire about it...i get excuses as i apparently slept late and all...
I also find myself walking alone to various activities in uni - instead of the happy quartet...

Not that it stops me from doing what i want to do...:)
The thought just lingers in there you know...and surfaces in moments like now..when all my roomies drop out of going on a tour because one other set of girls are not coming and don't even tell me...

I guess since i mixed around with the Colombo crowd a bit more than the other girls (the Colombo crowed are a bunch of happy malli's) they feel alienated...It's hard to be different..and i know that...i feel the same...but i'm trying...

Also i think i'm going to break the heart of some special person..i just cant pretend...i have lost the spark after what happened...and he deserves to know that....:'(

But it's ok...i'm going to be alright..
I just want to be alone for a while...or may be can be the best medicine right now..

I'm just going to embrace loneliness with Joy, Pride and Dignity as a changing phase of life...:)

To happier times to come!!!
God Bless...


  1. Awww this made me sad.
    It's lovely to see you be so mature about it, I can't be half as grown up about something like this as you clearly have been.

    Jealousy is an ugly, ugly thing and it brings out these awful, ugly colours in people ne? I am sorry that your housemates are giving you a hard time for something that you can't be blamed for (and something you should be very proud of).

    Keep your chin up and do what you are doing now, sweets. Do not let yourself go just to make a bunch of immature people happy.

    If this helps at all, you seem like a lovely person to me (nerd or not :P)

  2. awwwww Penny :D
    I'm really sorry about whats happening.
    Chikey, nasty girls they are. I'm really proud that you are doing well. I'm sure things will change for the better soon! Study hard, do even better and show those butt heads how much better you could do. Lots of hugs......
    GOD bless machan :)

  3. Penny! Reading this made me so sad... I mean, after everything you guys have been through together, that they'll do something like this... Boys I think are infinitely less envious about these things, especially stuff like studies. They should be proud of you and try to emulate your study methods and stuff, and instead they sulk away? And these guys are supposed to be Akkis, right? :/ wow!

    I really hope things work out... I wouldn't want to live with a bunch of people like that for long! :(


  4. Oh Penny, this is really sad news. Well, like Sabby says be mature about it and be the bigger ‘man’ and you will be fine. It’s good to know what your roomies are made of – sooner than later.

    At the end of the day, people come and go, we are always alone – so have no fear and climb to the top. It’s lonely at the top, but the view is worth it. ;)

  5. ohh...hope everything works out fine..but then again sometimes i used to enjoy loneliness, its just me my work and music...

  6. That's a very unexpected turn of events, especially after all those wonderful moments you shared not too long ago. Then again.. being at the top is no easy task either. *BTW Congratz to you and keep up the good work!* Still.. it's a pity that your roomies responded that way.

    Lots come to my mind but lemme ask you one thing first, have you read this book by Dale Carnegie? Cause it shows the way to shoo away your doubts, worries and loneliness.. at all times.

    PS: Hope and pray your next post is gonna be just as cheerful as the old ones. And do remember that tough times.. sad times.. and bad times.. don't last long. So cheer up gal. ^__^

  7. Sabby - Big Hug..thank you sooo much...i know very well about jealousy now..and I'M NOT A NERD..:)

    Me-shak - aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww..Big Hug to you alsooo..thank you for believing in me...

    Chavie - life is soo unpredictable..i know about boys too...i guess may be your right...will see what happens...Hug Back..thanks.

    Serendib_Isle - i am still standing strong..:)i know...i cant wait to see the view form the top heard it's amazing..and i'm determined to get there...:)

    realskullzero - yep..sometimes..loneliness can be real champs..:)

    Harumi - Thanks a lot harumi..means a lot..nope i haven't..but i checked it out....thanks..seems like an ideal book for me to read..:P
    No worries...after my will have a series of my hyper posts..because i'm aching to right all about whats happening here..:)

  8. You're most welcome. And greatta see your old bubbly tone's back. ^__^

    Yep, that book is a life saver, which I'd recommend for anyone. His rules and tips have helped me countless times.

    And yep, will surely check your series out. =D